Emma: The Spawn of Dawn

I have to say right up front that I love my family. My crazy, wacky, insane family. And I miss my family. I'm sorry that I don't even know some of my family members because I never get to see them. At some point we all grew up; some had families, some went down dark paths best unspoken, and some just moved far away. Some became rock stars and famous internet celebrities and don't fraternize with the filthy common man, even if we are related.

This is Emma. My cousin Dawn's baby girl, who I don't think I've ever even met. Isn't that sad? She looks exactly like Dawn as well. Only smaller. Like if you shrunk Dawn down with a shrink ray like Dr. Shrinker from Sid & Marty Kroft Superstars show from the 70's. Wouldn't that be awesome to have that shrink ray?

Wait, no....it would be better to have a ray beam that makes things BIGGER. Not for me personally....but to help out other guys who need it. God in hell....please let them invent this. You know, for other people...

Back to the photo. I'd say dear sweet Emma has a pretty brutal face for the Grapefruits of Metal pose. But seriously, yachts and Silly Bands in the photo, along with a picturesque ocean setting??? You better have been signing this kid of for Pirate School or something, Dawn!!!! Probably down in fancy Newport, RI shopping for 30' schooners or something. You know how the hoity-toity live. *pushes nose up to denote snob face*

I wonder if Emma even knows why she was taking this photo? How did Dawn even explain this? "Okay, Emma, stand still with an angry face and pretend you are holding sacks of money to buy a new mansion because our old mansion isn't big enough any more. We are taking this for your cousin who you've never met so he can put it on the internet and make fun of it. No....don't cry, honey....STOP CRYING! They will throw us out of the yacht club!!!"

So thank you to Dawn and Emma, and Dawn's husband Larry or something or other...and to the two or three other kids they have. It's good to have close family *hugs*

He comes from the land of the ice and snow...

I made that Led Zepplin reference in the title because I just assumed that the victim, errr... person featured in this blarg entry would hate it. He hates everything and everyone. He hates getting caught in the rain and even pina coladas. He hates you. I'm pretty sure he hates The Grapefruits of Metal as well, and this is some sick way of mocking me.

And that's why I love him. Not in a "Hey, it all feels the same in the dark" kind of way, but in the you just can't help loving someone so misanthropic because it's so adorable way. I'm even hoping he hates this whole post. I'll feel like I made his life a little happier with something new to hate.

For the record, this is Derrik. He's a phenomenal guitar player (which he'll deny, and he could be right. What do I know? He could be terrible. I just know I'm super impressed when he is fooling around when he's bored and starts twiddling out the theme song to Sanford & Son or something), to which I've had the pleasure of being in two bands with, Motokops 2000, and currently Swarm of Eyes.

What? That plug wasn't subtle? Shutyourface, I can do anything I want here. Now go find the band on Facebook and like us because we are so friendly and likable.